In Which Umbridge is Umbridge and Ravenclaw is
by KatFay
Summary: Also entitled: In Which it is all Explained as to Why Umbridge couldn't get into the Headmaster's office. A humerous take on why the school hates Umbridge and why she couldn't get in the Headmaster's office. [Oneshot]Title pending


**sigh I hate disclaimers, they make me so depressed inside. Really I should just be given the characters write about, it's not like I write about the main characters. grr. Well, for the moment I don't own anything...except the PLOT! I OWN THE PLOT, YAY, I OWN SOMETHING!

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I could hear yelling at the statue from three floors up, so I decided to drop through those floors and see what the matter was. The headmaster was usually pretty good about opening the door, so I wondered why this fit had continued for so long. I found myself looking at a hideous sweater on a chubby woman, who looked frightful. I wondered if she was a teacher.**

"You're supposed to give it a password." I said, ignoring my misgivings and trying to be helpful. The woman jumped when she saw me. I looked down, I didn't look that abnormal did I? I was wearing a sky blue sundress and a white sunhat with matching ribbon. I thought it looked cute. Then I remembered, most people would be surprised if one of the famous founders popped out of thin air to offer advice. Tragic, but at least Dumbledore never minded.

"I know that!" she snapped. I made a noise of disgruntlement. I was trying to be helpful remember.

"Maybe if you keep yelling the headmaster will let you in. It's quite rude of him to keep you out here where you bother everyone. Maybe you should try again later."

"I AM THE HEADMASTER, DIDN'T YOU READ THE NOTICE!" she shouted, thoroughly annoyed. I gave her my best innocent look.

"The notice must have been wrong, you can't be the headmaster." I said snickering behind a hand. If anything she looked even more enraged.

"I am to!"

"Are not."

"Am to!"

"You're most certainly not. You may be hideous and repulsive, and Salazar would compare you to a dead toad, but you are most defiantly a woman. Thus you can't be headmaster, because headmaster refers to a male." I explained triumphantly. The woman puzzled over what I said for a moment and then I watched her face turn a most unusual shade of purple as she boiled in displeasure.

"What House are you from? I'll dock a thousand points, and detention for the rest of the school year you impudent despicable child. No student is incorrigible, and I will teach you proper manners."

"DETENTION! DOCK POINTS! The audacity of it! I'M DEAD!" I fumed. How dare her! I was a respected witch in my time, I helped found this school, and now, now she threatened me! I touched an insubstantial hand on the statue strictly telling it that under no circumstances was it to allow this woman access to the Headmaster's chambers. The woman paled. At first I thought she was going to faint.

"You, you, damnation, I'm sure this is some trick of Dumbledore's." I stared at her, things finally clicking together. I smiled honey.

"Ohhh, whatever happened to Dumbledore? Are you his replacement? Funny, I always thought that Professor McGonagall would replace him. Maybe you should ask her for assistance. She was nicer."

"NICER, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'M VERY REASONABLE TO GET ALONG WITH, THE MINISTRY SENT ME HERE FOR THAT VERY REASON!"

"Probably because no one there could stand you." I muttered under my breath.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"Nothing," I said loudly and innocently, "except the truth." This was quieter.

"I've never met a ghost so rude, as soon as I get in this room, I'll have you removed permanently from the premises." That was the final straw.

"YOU'LL DO NO SUCH THING! I don't know what's going through your head, but this is my school missy. I'll have you know I am Rowena Ravenclaw, and you will not kick me out of my own school!" I snapped, then turned on my heel and left. I quickly gave the school, its ghosts, and, in their dreams, the students and professors complete and full permission to make that woman's stay here a living hell. I may not be as sneaky as Salazar, but never let it be said that Ravenclaw takes insults meekly.

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**Would you believe this came to me at the Ice Cream Social? Well, if you knew me you might, umm, but that's what inspired it. I wanted to write something with the founders in it becuase so few people do...(or they have and haven't edited it so that it appears when you select them under the character list...). And I wanted to write something funny, becuase I see, in the future a long tragedy coming up...But knowing me it won't be as depressing as I'd like it to be sigh Anyway I came up with this utterly random piece of Harry Potter fanfiction and am now subjecting you all to it.**

**P.S. MJ, Helen, if you're reading this, I still expect you to review, even though you've already read it, but I'm attention starved. **


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